Hello all! This is a MoonGirl update!
I hate that I am going on these long breaks without writing, but things are happening so fast and I am actually blogging on two other sites...so I apologize that this one tends to go to the way-side.
Deek & Long continues to grow creatively, we have now teamed up with a bass player and a drummer from the band formerly known as "Hip Trigger". These guys are quite talented and together we ROCK! There has been a little controversy about what to NAME the band, because Andy wants to continue with Deek & Long, so's not to confuse the venues or the fans, but the new band members would like to be recognized and come up with a group name of sorts. I get that. Last night, (to lighten the mood) I blurted out, "Deek & The Longfellows!" No one really laughed...hahaha.
Anyway...I know we will come up with something everyone can live with.
We did make an offer on that house and we are in escrow. We had a little trouble with the loan paperwork which resulted in Andy firing his friend...that was a little unnerving. However, as far as I know we do have an FHA loan in process and we are closing escrow on November 20. If that happens as planned we will probably move the week of Thanksgiving...aiy yai! I had originally planned to rent my condo out to my girlfriend, but she found another place and moved there instead...so I have been searching for a renter. I know I will find someone who is realible and will take care of my home. It is all very exciting and a little nerve-wracking. There is a lot to do. Luckily, Andy and I work well together, we have a very compatible relationship.
Life is crazy! If you are interested in reading my other blogs about our plans for the new property, or about healing steps for an empowered life here are the links:
http://dilongranch.blogspot.com/
http://empoweredlife4u.blogspot.com/
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
6 Week Hiatus
Hi! Did you miss me? :)
Life has been go, go, go for quite awhile and I have not sat down to focus on a good blog post. Even now, I am not quite sure what to write about.
I guess what I would like to say is that many of my life-long dreams are manifesting before my eyes. It is almost like a flood, a tsunami of wishful thinking come to reality. I have found a wonderful man to spend my life with, he is kind, strong, (yet gentle), funny, talented, smart and naive...he not only loves me, but he loves my children and treats them as if they were his own. This is the most magical thing that has ever happened to me. I just adore this man.
With Andy's help, I have also realized my dream of staying home with my kids, I work at home promoting the band and I also have a few other creative projects in the works...some of them are too young to discuss at this time (yet to be actualized)!
Homeschooling is finally going well. Dante is feeling more confident, and is actually PASSING his courses this year. Julian has decided he is ready to go back to public school, which is fine by me...he is a very social kid and needs to be with others.
Andy and I also have a very active social life. This was something I always wanted when I was younger, but I never had the confidence to enjoy...we have friends. We get together and drink wine, play music, have dinner parties do backyard camp-outs...its very fun. Many of these people are friends of Andy's who have accepted me with open arms, but Andy has said that since he met me he has found many new friends in the Murrieta area and he just loves going out and networking as a couple.
I guess I should mention that 2 weeks ago Andy proposed to me. He had a ring designed for me (to my specifications) and included my kids in the proposal process. It was so sweet, I had to cry. The kids were totally into it, they were so excited afterwards they were bouncing off the walls. We have not quite decided on a date because...
We are also buying a house. Well, that's not a "for sure" but we have been looking for a few months and I think we found the property we are interested in. The house is not that big, its 2500 sq ft...a little bigger than my condo, and it sits on top of a hill with a breath-taking panoramic view in all directions. It is 4.5 acres, some fruit trees, gigantic boulders...and plenty of room to grow. We can pretty much do anything we want on this property. Andy is talking about putting an offer on it today, which is VERY exciting! At first I was very scared, I hemmed and hawed...and then I saw how excited Andy was about the whole thing. We both have very big dreams and we follow through on them. This property is exactly the kind of place where we could manifest these dreams.
ANYWAY...if we follow through and buy this house, we might be moving in before the end of the year and then we could plan our wedding. He had originally talked about Feb 14, but if we buy this house that might be a little soon. So, perhaps Spring would be best. Spring wedding. I like the way that sounds. :)
OK, I am off to dream. Loves to all, have a fabulous day!
Life has been go, go, go for quite awhile and I have not sat down to focus on a good blog post. Even now, I am not quite sure what to write about.
I guess what I would like to say is that many of my life-long dreams are manifesting before my eyes. It is almost like a flood, a tsunami of wishful thinking come to reality. I have found a wonderful man to spend my life with, he is kind, strong, (yet gentle), funny, talented, smart and naive...he not only loves me, but he loves my children and treats them as if they were his own. This is the most magical thing that has ever happened to me. I just adore this man.
With Andy's help, I have also realized my dream of staying home with my kids, I work at home promoting the band and I also have a few other creative projects in the works...some of them are too young to discuss at this time (yet to be actualized)!
Homeschooling is finally going well. Dante is feeling more confident, and is actually PASSING his courses this year. Julian has decided he is ready to go back to public school, which is fine by me...he is a very social kid and needs to be with others.
Andy and I also have a very active social life. This was something I always wanted when I was younger, but I never had the confidence to enjoy...we have friends. We get together and drink wine, play music, have dinner parties do backyard camp-outs...its very fun. Many of these people are friends of Andy's who have accepted me with open arms, but Andy has said that since he met me he has found many new friends in the Murrieta area and he just loves going out and networking as a couple.
I guess I should mention that 2 weeks ago Andy proposed to me. He had a ring designed for me (to my specifications) and included my kids in the proposal process. It was so sweet, I had to cry. The kids were totally into it, they were so excited afterwards they were bouncing off the walls. We have not quite decided on a date because...
We are also buying a house. Well, that's not a "for sure" but we have been looking for a few months and I think we found the property we are interested in. The house is not that big, its 2500 sq ft...a little bigger than my condo, and it sits on top of a hill with a breath-taking panoramic view in all directions. It is 4.5 acres, some fruit trees, gigantic boulders...and plenty of room to grow. We can pretty much do anything we want on this property. Andy is talking about putting an offer on it today, which is VERY exciting! At first I was very scared, I hemmed and hawed...and then I saw how excited Andy was about the whole thing. We both have very big dreams and we follow through on them. This property is exactly the kind of place where we could manifest these dreams.
ANYWAY...if we follow through and buy this house, we might be moving in before the end of the year and then we could plan our wedding. He had originally talked about Feb 14, but if we buy this house that might be a little soon. So, perhaps Spring would be best. Spring wedding. I like the way that sounds. :)
OK, I am off to dream. Loves to all, have a fabulous day!
Monday, August 17, 2009
I Am Done Bagging on Myself
Every week is an adventure. This is probably the most active and exciting time of my life. I am learning about myself, my downfalls, my strengths and weaknesses and I want to thank my blog readers for putting up with me during all this. For a few years I have been bragging on how I have healed so many issues and was helping others heal too...then it came to my attention that I still had a long way to go. Its all good though. I should not be so hard on myself. I have had the opportunity to see some frightening things over the past few weeks (months, years), and I realize that I am doing a pretty good job with my life. When it is time for me to leave this planet, I can look back and be proud of all the things I have accomplished.
Onward and upward. More positive blog posts in the near future!
Onward and upward. More positive blog posts in the near future!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Me and My Big Mouth
Another one of my many flaws is that I have a very big mouth. In most social situations I am quiet and reserved, almost shy...but this is for a very good reason. When I start talking, I say ALL THE WRONG things. A few weekends ago I did it again, I said something I should not have said to one of my boyfriend's friends, and it started a wave of controversy. I had no idea I had done anything wrong until yesterday morning when Andy says to me, "we have to talk about something kind of serious." He told me what I had done, and I felt about 2 inches tall. I totally did not mean to cause trouble...I remember what I said and I said it because I was nervous and flustered. Once I explained it to him, he understood...because he is a sweet and understanding guy...but I still felt terrible the rest of the day. In fact, I am still feeling bad about it. It just goes to show that the subconscious is always lurking. I will probably never be free of the child who lives in my mouth and in the dark crevices of my psyche, but I have new insight that my conscious self is the more powerful of the two.
This experience also showed me what an amazing man Andy is. He is not afraid to talk to me about things that are uncomfortable, he does not use guilt or anger or passive aggresive behaviors to sidestep issues, he hits them straight on so we can get them out of the way. I really need to learn from this. I have a very hard time being direct. I am also going to learn to control my mouth and speak with a more conscientious voice.
This experience also showed me what an amazing man Andy is. He is not afraid to talk to me about things that are uncomfortable, he does not use guilt or anger or passive aggresive behaviors to sidestep issues, he hits them straight on so we can get them out of the way. I really need to learn from this. I have a very hard time being direct. I am also going to learn to control my mouth and speak with a more conscientious voice.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Apology/Forgiveness
The past few weeks have been eye opening for me. I have come to realize what a judgmental and egotistical person I have been despite my claims that I am open-minded and forgiving. This revelation came to me after I wrote that last post about The Bucket List.
I did not mean to put down those who write a bucket list. It just really bugs me when people say they want to do this or that before they die. This is a personal thing. I personally do not like to think about death or dwell upon it, let alone make plans for all the things I need to do before I meet my death. My dad died when I was young, and my first husband died before he turned 40...so I am acutely aware of my fragility as a human being. So, I put those thoughts and feelings in my back pocket. I make goals for myself and make a conscious effort to better myself at all times. Its not because I might die tomorrow, but its because I want to experience lots of stuff while I am here and feel comfortable in my body and be at peace with my soul. I am finally at a place in my life where I am not pining away for true love, a mansion, millions of dollars. I have this feeling that I have finally "arrived". I am the person I have always wanted to be, now I work on perfecting the flaws that remain...such as being judgmental.
Another thing that happened is that I started connecting with all my friends in High School on Facebook. I finally found my best friend David who I have been searching for for years. He sent me a personal message one day and told me that I had written him a letter years ago that was hurtful and he never forgot it. I do not even remember writing this letter. Sadly, I know I probably DID write it because I knew at the time I was extremely jealous of him for being intelligent and witty...he was the type of person who could do anything he wanted to do and succeed. He was always so confident and sure of himself, I was self absorbed, shy and needy. When I got accepted in a performing arts school, I know my ego exploded...I really thought I was the shit...and I was going to show EVERYONE, especially David, how successful I was going to be. Fast forward 25 years later...I never became a rich and famous actress, instead I struggled emotionally, financially and spiritually. I am finally in a happy place after all this time, and I realize how foolish, angry and jealous I really was of all the people who adored me. It is a bittersweet feeling to be reunited with my old friends. They are all wonderful people and they have accomplished so much in their lives. It is amazing.
Facebook has brought to my attention how many amazing people I have encountered in my life and what roles they have played throughout the years. I love them all dearly, and I am grateful for this opportunity to heal.
I did not mean to put down those who write a bucket list. It just really bugs me when people say they want to do this or that before they die. This is a personal thing. I personally do not like to think about death or dwell upon it, let alone make plans for all the things I need to do before I meet my death. My dad died when I was young, and my first husband died before he turned 40...so I am acutely aware of my fragility as a human being. So, I put those thoughts and feelings in my back pocket. I make goals for myself and make a conscious effort to better myself at all times. Its not because I might die tomorrow, but its because I want to experience lots of stuff while I am here and feel comfortable in my body and be at peace with my soul. I am finally at a place in my life where I am not pining away for true love, a mansion, millions of dollars. I have this feeling that I have finally "arrived". I am the person I have always wanted to be, now I work on perfecting the flaws that remain...such as being judgmental.
Another thing that happened is that I started connecting with all my friends in High School on Facebook. I finally found my best friend David who I have been searching for for years. He sent me a personal message one day and told me that I had written him a letter years ago that was hurtful and he never forgot it. I do not even remember writing this letter. Sadly, I know I probably DID write it because I knew at the time I was extremely jealous of him for being intelligent and witty...he was the type of person who could do anything he wanted to do and succeed. He was always so confident and sure of himself, I was self absorbed, shy and needy. When I got accepted in a performing arts school, I know my ego exploded...I really thought I was the shit...and I was going to show EVERYONE, especially David, how successful I was going to be. Fast forward 25 years later...I never became a rich and famous actress, instead I struggled emotionally, financially and spiritually. I am finally in a happy place after all this time, and I realize how foolish, angry and jealous I really was of all the people who adored me. It is a bittersweet feeling to be reunited with my old friends. They are all wonderful people and they have accomplished so much in their lives. It is amazing.
Facebook has brought to my attention how many amazing people I have encountered in my life and what roles they have played throughout the years. I love them all dearly, and I am grateful for this opportunity to heal.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Bucket List
There is a lot of talk going around the networking sites and blogs about The Bucket List. I, for one, am pretty proud of myself...when I want to do something I pretty much set my mind to it and I do it. Of course I have some long term goals, but I still work toward them all the time...its not on a list somewhere in my dresser drawer.
Don't get me wrong, I am not snubbing those who have a Bucket List...in fact, my dreams and aspirations probably aren't as grand as others...for example, I have no dreams of jumping out of an airplane or taking an African safari. My dreams are mostly about peace and healing and being a strong/confident person.
One place I would like to go is to Peru to see Machu Pichu...that would be pretty cool. I have a feeling it would be a magical and mysterious experience.
Anyway, my current goal is to be a diligent partner for the love of my life, Andy Long. I want to make our home comfortable and loving, clean and prosperous. I am ready to learn a new craft, besides singing. I am ready to learn graphic design and promote our music and help other bands get some exposure as well. I think I can run a pretty successful business doing this from home while I homeschool my kids. I am starting right now by offering to help a few people who have been very generous to me the past two years by promoting their businesses, this will give me some experience and exposure in the promotions department and help build some momentum.
I am really excited about doing this because I can actually SEE myself doing it, I can be of ASSISTANCE to others. This feels like my niche, a way of using all of my talents and grow as a person. It will help me build confidence and a professional demeanor. Did I mention I am really excited?
Anyway, my Bucket List would look something like this:
-Be a good wife
-Be a good mother
-Build a loving and peaceful home
-Help others to heal and reach their goals
-Become a great singer in a band
-Build a business promoting my band, other local bands and businesses
-Learn Graphic Design
-Go to Machu Pichu
Don't get me wrong, I am not snubbing those who have a Bucket List...in fact, my dreams and aspirations probably aren't as grand as others...for example, I have no dreams of jumping out of an airplane or taking an African safari. My dreams are mostly about peace and healing and being a strong/confident person.
One place I would like to go is to Peru to see Machu Pichu...that would be pretty cool. I have a feeling it would be a magical and mysterious experience.
Anyway, my current goal is to be a diligent partner for the love of my life, Andy Long. I want to make our home comfortable and loving, clean and prosperous. I am ready to learn a new craft, besides singing. I am ready to learn graphic design and promote our music and help other bands get some exposure as well. I think I can run a pretty successful business doing this from home while I homeschool my kids. I am starting right now by offering to help a few people who have been very generous to me the past two years by promoting their businesses, this will give me some experience and exposure in the promotions department and help build some momentum.
I am really excited about doing this because I can actually SEE myself doing it, I can be of ASSISTANCE to others. This feels like my niche, a way of using all of my talents and grow as a person. It will help me build confidence and a professional demeanor. Did I mention I am really excited?
Anyway, my Bucket List would look something like this:
-Be a good wife
-Be a good mother
-Build a loving and peaceful home
-Help others to heal and reach their goals
-Become a great singer in a band
-Build a business promoting my band, other local bands and businesses
-Learn Graphic Design
-Go to Machu Pichu
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dreams That Foretell My Future
I have been known throughout my life to have dreams that tell me what is going to happen in the future. I don't really call them psychic dreams, although most of them feel that way. I never quite know when or how these dreams are going to manifest into reality, and some of them are symbolic and not very specific as to what the ACTUAL EVENT will be. If you look back in my posts to about a year ago, you will see where I blogged about the tornado dream. Two tornadoes came and threatened my family, they destroyed everything around our property, but we were untouched and not hurt. In fact one tornado took me to another state, and I called my son to see if he was okay and he said "business is GREAT!" This dream was not very specific, but it gave me consolation that no matter what terrible things happen, my family and I will be fine and we will prosper. This dream came true. I have been working a few jobs, I met Andy and fell in love, we built the band project, I am learning to promote myself and BUSINESS IS GREAT. It was a nice touch how the dream tornado took me to a different state, because as it turns out, I am not in a place in my life that I never thought I would be. I am in love, going to be married soon and I am a housewife, a rockstar and working at home selling my band. Its awesome.
This is not the dream I am here to blog about, however.
About 13 years ago I was in a very bad place. My husband was very ill, we lost our house, we were drowning in debt, and our life was literally a living hell. I could not see the future. We lived each day in darkness, moment by moment. My stress level was so high I had constant headaches, backaches, stomach aches...it was horrible. One night, however, I had a very vivid dream that I lived in a tiny, cluttered house, but when I opened a door to what I thought was a closet, I saw before me a gigantic mansion with hundreds and hundreds of rooms. Everywhere I explored I found more rooms, it was my palace. The mansion was empty, and I was told that I could decorate it however I wanted. This was exciting news. When I woke up, I knew this was a message and insight to my future, but I did not know how it was going to come true. I had nothing, not even energy to get through each day...my sadness was beyond anything I could ever explain. I was not only destitute, I was hopeless.
Over the next few years, several things transpired. My husband died, I paid off my debt, I got a better job, I dated, I re-married and soon afterward I got divorced. My health was much better, and I had some money, but I still did not know how my dream was going to transpire. I often had similar dreams, where I lived in an apartment that expanded into many rooms, and I loved when those dreams came to me, because they let me know I was on the right track. I wrote, I sang, I did everything I could to be creative, but nothing actually manifested. I experienced frustration in relationships and my financial situation...I was spinning my wheels at my computer and starting to go back into debt. One day I decided to sit on my patio every morning and meditate. I am sort of an impatient person so meditating is difficult for me. I would spend about 10 minutes out there listening to birds and drinking in the cool morning air, it was great! Little by little I started receiving messages. First of all, my girlfriend told me to movemy fountain from the back yard to the front entrance of my condo. I did this, and within a week I had a job and started making money. When the fountain got dirty, the money stopped coming...so I would clean it and a new job came my way. Then I got another message to ask for a partner. I looked to heaven, and I said, "I am ready to receive help." That's when I wrote the ad to start a band and I posted in on Craigslist. Andy Long answered my ad and my life changed instantly. I now have a partner. I have never had a partner before. Andy is my partner in music, in parenting, in love...he supports me in everything I do and all that I represent, and I support him in the same way. Even though I have been married before and had several relationships...I realize that I have never had a partner before. It is a glorious feeling. I now fel that I have entered my empty palace, the spiritual mansion in my dream that I am now ready to decorate. The band is taking off, I get to write about it, sing, perform, and I will soon be taking graphics design classes so I can help promote other bands. It is a limitless opportunity to be creative and lucrative. I am so excited I can only begin to express...
This is not the dream I am here to blog about, however.
About 13 years ago I was in a very bad place. My husband was very ill, we lost our house, we were drowning in debt, and our life was literally a living hell. I could not see the future. We lived each day in darkness, moment by moment. My stress level was so high I had constant headaches, backaches, stomach aches...it was horrible. One night, however, I had a very vivid dream that I lived in a tiny, cluttered house, but when I opened a door to what I thought was a closet, I saw before me a gigantic mansion with hundreds and hundreds of rooms. Everywhere I explored I found more rooms, it was my palace. The mansion was empty, and I was told that I could decorate it however I wanted. This was exciting news. When I woke up, I knew this was a message and insight to my future, but I did not know how it was going to come true. I had nothing, not even energy to get through each day...my sadness was beyond anything I could ever explain. I was not only destitute, I was hopeless.
Over the next few years, several things transpired. My husband died, I paid off my debt, I got a better job, I dated, I re-married and soon afterward I got divorced. My health was much better, and I had some money, but I still did not know how my dream was going to transpire. I often had similar dreams, where I lived in an apartment that expanded into many rooms, and I loved when those dreams came to me, because they let me know I was on the right track. I wrote, I sang, I did everything I could to be creative, but nothing actually manifested. I experienced frustration in relationships and my financial situation...I was spinning my wheels at my computer and starting to go back into debt. One day I decided to sit on my patio every morning and meditate. I am sort of an impatient person so meditating is difficult for me. I would spend about 10 minutes out there listening to birds and drinking in the cool morning air, it was great! Little by little I started receiving messages. First of all, my girlfriend told me to movemy fountain from the back yard to the front entrance of my condo. I did this, and within a week I had a job and started making money. When the fountain got dirty, the money stopped coming...so I would clean it and a new job came my way. Then I got another message to ask for a partner. I looked to heaven, and I said, "I am ready to receive help." That's when I wrote the ad to start a band and I posted in on Craigslist. Andy Long answered my ad and my life changed instantly. I now have a partner. I have never had a partner before. Andy is my partner in music, in parenting, in love...he supports me in everything I do and all that I represent, and I support him in the same way. Even though I have been married before and had several relationships...I realize that I have never had a partner before. It is a glorious feeling. I now fel that I have entered my empty palace, the spiritual mansion in my dream that I am now ready to decorate. The band is taking off, I get to write about it, sing, perform, and I will soon be taking graphics design classes so I can help promote other bands. It is a limitless opportunity to be creative and lucrative. I am so excited I can only begin to express...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Selling Me
Well, it has happened. I have put myself to work selling "Deek & Long" and today I booked 5 gigs for the summer. To say the least, I am stoked. I made some calls, I sent some e-mails and by 4:30 this afternoon I booked 5 gigs.
Diligence is something I am learning and applying to my life. Sometimes its hard. Sometimes I just want to go on Facebook and play Farm Town all day, but there is now a little voice in my head that says "be diligent, so many people are depending on you!" and I get back to work.
I am walking now. I have never been a person who excercises on purpose, now I do. I take my vitamins, I drink water, I work and promote my band...I love it.
I'll write more later, its been a long day...
MoonGirl out.
Diligence is something I am learning and applying to my life. Sometimes its hard. Sometimes I just want to go on Facebook and play Farm Town all day, but there is now a little voice in my head that says "be diligent, so many people are depending on you!" and I get back to work.
I am walking now. I have never been a person who excercises on purpose, now I do. I take my vitamins, I drink water, I work and promote my band...I love it.
I'll write more later, its been a long day...
MoonGirl out.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Surrender
The most misunderstood concept in the Universe is "Faith". It has taken me years and tons of research and prayer to understand what faith is. Several of my studies brought up the word "surrender", which is also easily misunderstood. Surrender can help you understand faith, it is a stepping stone. Once I learned about surrender, faith came right into play. After faith comes manifestation.
So let's talk about Surrender. To most people that means to "give up", and yes that is in fact the literal translation, but consider a deeper, more powerful meaning (or empowering). Hear me out. What if surrender means to "let go"? or to "lay down arms"? When we do not have faith, we struggle, we fight, we are angry, we try to control, we grip tightly to what we have for fear we will lose it. If we can stop resisting and surrender to faith, we actually level the playing field and the very thing you were so worried about becomes a non-issue. Do you think you could actually love and give thanks for the thing that worries you the most? The truth is, the fear you have actually renders you powerless. If you bless it and LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS, you will indeed regain your empowerment over the situation and see the bigger picture.
Here is my example of surrender. For two years I wanted desperately to work at home. I did not want to go back to a 9 to 5 job, I did not want to punch a clock, I did not want to leave my children. I tried so many work at home programs and in the process I went into debt, had my credit card number stolen several times and I spiraled into fear that I would lose my home. Finally, I surrendered. I told God I understood that there as something to learn here and I would take a job if that is what was needed to get me back on track. I did get a few temp jobs over the following 8 months, they paid the bills and the jobs were actually SO SIMPLE that I was able to focus my mind on future projects. During these 8 months, my son was forced to be more self-motivating and independent. He learned some pretty valuable lessons during this time, (they were painful lessons too)...but necessary. During this time I also found a musician who I was able to work with, we fell in love, and will probably be married in the near future. All of this happened in 8 months, and it happened because I surrendered. I stopped fearing what would happen if I took a job, and I let it happen.
Another thing I fear and resist is being a salesperson. I am not good at it. This is now a work in progress, but I am surrendering to the fact that I am the person who has to promote my band. I must now learn diligence, patience, communication, confidence and stamina. Its not easy for me, I am used to being a worker bee and not a motivator. Its a very different way to live your life.
What do you fear? Take a good look at it. Don't say "it doesn't matter", because IT DOES matter. Whatever you fear will chase you. If you turn and face it, I bet you $10 it will disappear.
So let's talk about Surrender. To most people that means to "give up", and yes that is in fact the literal translation, but consider a deeper, more powerful meaning (or empowering). Hear me out. What if surrender means to "let go"? or to "lay down arms"? When we do not have faith, we struggle, we fight, we are angry, we try to control, we grip tightly to what we have for fear we will lose it. If we can stop resisting and surrender to faith, we actually level the playing field and the very thing you were so worried about becomes a non-issue. Do you think you could actually love and give thanks for the thing that worries you the most? The truth is, the fear you have actually renders you powerless. If you bless it and LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS, you will indeed regain your empowerment over the situation and see the bigger picture.
Here is my example of surrender. For two years I wanted desperately to work at home. I did not want to go back to a 9 to 5 job, I did not want to punch a clock, I did not want to leave my children. I tried so many work at home programs and in the process I went into debt, had my credit card number stolen several times and I spiraled into fear that I would lose my home. Finally, I surrendered. I told God I understood that there as something to learn here and I would take a job if that is what was needed to get me back on track. I did get a few temp jobs over the following 8 months, they paid the bills and the jobs were actually SO SIMPLE that I was able to focus my mind on future projects. During these 8 months, my son was forced to be more self-motivating and independent. He learned some pretty valuable lessons during this time, (they were painful lessons too)...but necessary. During this time I also found a musician who I was able to work with, we fell in love, and will probably be married in the near future. All of this happened in 8 months, and it happened because I surrendered. I stopped fearing what would happen if I took a job, and I let it happen.
Another thing I fear and resist is being a salesperson. I am not good at it. This is now a work in progress, but I am surrendering to the fact that I am the person who has to promote my band. I must now learn diligence, patience, communication, confidence and stamina. Its not easy for me, I am used to being a worker bee and not a motivator. Its a very different way to live your life.
What do you fear? Take a good look at it. Don't say "it doesn't matter", because IT DOES matter. Whatever you fear will chase you. If you turn and face it, I bet you $10 it will disappear.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
May 30 Marks My Third Year of Freedom
Its almost here. My third Anniversary of freedom. I have been studying healing, struggling with grief, anger and sadness since 1993, nearly 16 years...but I never truly understood what I was trying to accomplish until New Years 2006. Well, that was the turning point anyways.
A few days after new years I got a call from a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a long time, I thought I had totally lost contact with him. Long story short, this friend helped me open my eyes to a very bad situation I was living in. The man I was married to was abusing my kids, taking drugs and hiding some pretty serious ghosts in his closet. I had turned a blind eye to all of this because I just wanted to be married and be normal. Nothing about my life had ever been normal, people were always dying, getting sick, and suffering, and I was always a failure in all that I tried to accomplish. When this man wanted to marry me, I was thrilled...I just wanted to be NORMAL. I equated normal with happy...thats how messed up in the head I was.
That Spring, I spent my days and nights dreaming about the life I really wanted. I wanted to heal. I wanted to sing. I wanted to be free, and be a great mother to my kids. I wanted to work at home and homeschool...real grass-roots kind of stuff. On May 30, 2006...I walked out, I took very little. I bought a new car and rented an apartment for me, my kids and my cat. It was scary. I filed for divorce, enrolled my kids in homeschooling and started a MLM business. After the divorce, I bought a condo and quit the MLM because it was sucking my finances dry. I started writing for a living, and it went well for a few months and then totally dried up. I also followed my aspirations of singing in a band, but nothing was panning out.
But what about the healing part? Well, for one, I was happy to be single. HAPPY! Wow, what a concept! I loved living alone, no one telling me what to do or how to live my life. I took vitamins and ate better food, drank water, walked...I allowed myself to cry and get mad...and I wrote. Writing was VERY healing for me. I experimented with manifestation, and practiced with small goals and worked up to bigger ones. Ultimately, I wanted to make money working at home, but there was a big part of me that felt it was never going to happen. So, it didn't. I fell further and further into debt and it was looking more and more like I might also lose my house. I was scared. This whole process went on for a little over two years. In my time of healing, I also assisted others in healing. I have written about these special wonderful people many times...Liz, Wendy and Mark and a few others as well. They are all still my friends, and they have all come a very long way and succeeded in accomplishing many goals.
But what about MoonGirl? I ended up taking on some pretty boring, temp jobs...but I was working and making some money. Trying to put a band together was not working out, but one day Dante's piano teacher sparked something in me...she wanted to work as a duet and play at local venues. I turned her down because we did not have the same taste in music, but I got motivated once again to start a band. I went home and wrote an ad to put on Craigslist. I wrote the ad not from a place of desperation, but from a place of empowerment. I can't remember exactly what the ad said, but it got many responses, because it sounded professional and motivating.
This is how I met Andy. Andy is the man who changed my life. Andy took my song list and made it a reality. We couldn't find band members, so he built the music himself on his computer. We became fast friends and then more...we fell in love. I never EVER knew I could fall in love like that. He loves my kids, he loves my ideas, we talk and we laugh. We plan, we build, we do things together and its fun. Its amazing.
It took me nearly three years, but I did it. My dreams are coming true. I am working at home, homeschooling, singing in a band...but the icing on the cake is that I also found love.
So, I'm here to say, it can be done. There are days when you think, "I am never going to get there. It is never going to happen." But I am here to tell you that if you stay focused, keep working and open your eyes and ears for the signs along the way that will help you out, you will get there. Start small, and build from there.
A few days after new years I got a call from a friend of mine that I hadn't seen for a long time, I thought I had totally lost contact with him. Long story short, this friend helped me open my eyes to a very bad situation I was living in. The man I was married to was abusing my kids, taking drugs and hiding some pretty serious ghosts in his closet. I had turned a blind eye to all of this because I just wanted to be married and be normal. Nothing about my life had ever been normal, people were always dying, getting sick, and suffering, and I was always a failure in all that I tried to accomplish. When this man wanted to marry me, I was thrilled...I just wanted to be NORMAL. I equated normal with happy...thats how messed up in the head I was.
That Spring, I spent my days and nights dreaming about the life I really wanted. I wanted to heal. I wanted to sing. I wanted to be free, and be a great mother to my kids. I wanted to work at home and homeschool...real grass-roots kind of stuff. On May 30, 2006...I walked out, I took very little. I bought a new car and rented an apartment for me, my kids and my cat. It was scary. I filed for divorce, enrolled my kids in homeschooling and started a MLM business. After the divorce, I bought a condo and quit the MLM because it was sucking my finances dry. I started writing for a living, and it went well for a few months and then totally dried up. I also followed my aspirations of singing in a band, but nothing was panning out.
But what about the healing part? Well, for one, I was happy to be single. HAPPY! Wow, what a concept! I loved living alone, no one telling me what to do or how to live my life. I took vitamins and ate better food, drank water, walked...I allowed myself to cry and get mad...and I wrote. Writing was VERY healing for me. I experimented with manifestation, and practiced with small goals and worked up to bigger ones. Ultimately, I wanted to make money working at home, but there was a big part of me that felt it was never going to happen. So, it didn't. I fell further and further into debt and it was looking more and more like I might also lose my house. I was scared. This whole process went on for a little over two years. In my time of healing, I also assisted others in healing. I have written about these special wonderful people many times...Liz, Wendy and Mark and a few others as well. They are all still my friends, and they have all come a very long way and succeeded in accomplishing many goals.
But what about MoonGirl? I ended up taking on some pretty boring, temp jobs...but I was working and making some money. Trying to put a band together was not working out, but one day Dante's piano teacher sparked something in me...she wanted to work as a duet and play at local venues. I turned her down because we did not have the same taste in music, but I got motivated once again to start a band. I went home and wrote an ad to put on Craigslist. I wrote the ad not from a place of desperation, but from a place of empowerment. I can't remember exactly what the ad said, but it got many responses, because it sounded professional and motivating.
This is how I met Andy. Andy is the man who changed my life. Andy took my song list and made it a reality. We couldn't find band members, so he built the music himself on his computer. We became fast friends and then more...we fell in love. I never EVER knew I could fall in love like that. He loves my kids, he loves my ideas, we talk and we laugh. We plan, we build, we do things together and its fun. Its amazing.
It took me nearly three years, but I did it. My dreams are coming true. I am working at home, homeschooling, singing in a band...but the icing on the cake is that I also found love.
So, I'm here to say, it can be done. There are days when you think, "I am never going to get there. It is never going to happen." But I am here to tell you that if you stay focused, keep working and open your eyes and ears for the signs along the way that will help you out, you will get there. Start small, and build from there.
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