Taking Things Personally

This has been a bad week. Not just for me, but for a lot of people. I won't go into a lot of detail here about my situation, but the point I'd like to make is that when bad things happen I tend to take them very personally. I'd like to get over that hump. This time around I really beat myself up. I felt stupid and foolish. I let someone use me and spit me out, they didn't even care about my feelings or what vulnerable position they put me in. I just kept kicking myself over and over, how could I allow that to happen after all the work I have done to heal and get smarter and better? I felt a sickness inside because I was so angry. I don't get angry with people, I get angry with myself. Which is worse?

You know why I was angry? Because I followed my dream of something I wanted really bad...so bad I could taste it, and it failed. I was literally on a high the entire month of November because everything I ever wanted was coming true, like a Cinderella story. In December most of it fell apart. Its like I have this thing inside me that won't allow my goals to manifest. Is that right? Is my subconscious still sabotaging me? If so, that really sucks!

Anyway, long story short, I still have some wonderful and amazing people in my life. People who care what happens to me, despite the assholes who don't. I guess there will always be someone who tries to bring you down, so I better get used to that and stop beating myself up. I want to thank Andy, Darrel, Megan and Rita for being there for me the past few days and offering me a shoulder and strength when I needed it. Oh, and my Mom too, thanks Mom.