Achievements and Milestones

In August 2007 I began a quest on the internet. I started a blog, I joined social sites and other posting venues and I met two amazing people. Their names are Wendy and Liz. Wendy is a stay at home mom, she homeschools her little boy, she blogs and has several on-line businesses. Liz works out of the home full-time, but she also ran an advice website and wrote some amazing blogs about her life. All three of us were searching. We were looking for our bliss, we were trying to heal, we were struggling financially...it was almost magical how we found each other on the internet and how we have remained such good friends even though we live thousands of miles apart and have never met in person.

In December 2008, something weird happened. Liz found a business opportunity that would pay us all a lot of money and we could all work from home. Long story short, I drove to Phoenix to check it out and it was a total bust. It shook me pretty hard, I thought I had finally found the thing I was looking for but it was an illusion. For about 2 weeks it felt like my whole world had crashed. It was Christmas, I had no money, I couldn't make my house payment. Liz felt terrible, she was probably worried that I was mad at her, but I wasn't. She was trying to help me build my dream, she is an amazing friend...unselfish and unyielding.

The funny thing is, this fiasco was the turning point for all of us. Life took us in three different directions. I fell in love. I found a partner who loves music as much as I do and he helped me put together a band project that is everything I ever wanted. He is the kindest man in the world. He is strong and talented, stable and caring...I could come up with a million adjectives, simply put, he ROCKS my world. A few weeks ago I sent an e-mail to both Liz and Wendy asking "what's up?" and they both wrote back to me telling me how great their lives were...they were both happy and thriving...a year ago they would not have written an e-mail like that. It was like they were two completely different people, and yet they were still the two amazing and brilliant women I have always known.

There is a moral to this story. Healing happens. Love happens. Success happens. You do get better, but you have to WANT to get better. You have to be READY to heal. When you heal, you find out who your real friends are. You might be surprised, but the people who are not your friends will drop out of your life. This is a good thing. You find truth when you seek it.

Wendy & Liz, I love you. I am so happy and proud for both of you.

MoonGirl out.

Layers of the Onion

If you have done any kind of personal development work with me, you have probably heard my analogy that healing is like peeling away layers of an onion. Some layers are very thin and others are thick. My healing process has been very much like peeling layers of an onion. There always seems to be another layer, it is a never ending process.

This weekend we performed our second gig. This time the venue was a bar/club scene with young kids (very drunk kids), girls dancing with girls, bar fights...the whole nine yards. It was a a little intimidating to say the least, especially since the bar scene was never my thing. Dave Barrios played bass for us, and thanks to him, he took control of the mic and all I had to do was sing. I felt myself feeling very self-conscious...I put on a good show, but afterward (and into the next day) I was feeling small and unworthy. I even started to doubt my wonderful new boyfriend who is nothing but kind to me...I was doubting my worthiness of his love, it all started creeping back. The good news is, I was CONSCIOUS of my SUB-CONSCIOUS. I could see exactly what was happening. I just kept taking deep breaths throughout the day and soothing that little child inside of me. By the end of the day, the unworthiness fell away and I was MoonGirl again. Andy looked at me with his sweet, beaming eyes and all was right in the Universe again.

I wonder how I am going to overcome this hump...if I will ever truly be a strong frontman for this band project. I love the singing and performing part, but put a mic in front of me to SPEAK to a crowd and I am flustered. Its weird how I am like that. In my head I can see myself doing it, I can imagine myself schmoozing the crowd and introducing the next song...but when I get onstage I just can't do it. I always wonder how David Byrne did it, he was not a real social guy, but he was a showman, and he was the frontman for his band.

So, this is what I have to work on. Hmmm.