I Am Done Bagging on Myself

Every week is an adventure. This is probably the most active and exciting time of my life. I am learning about myself, my downfalls, my strengths and weaknesses and I want to thank my blog readers for putting up with me during all this. For a few years I have been bragging on how I have healed so many issues and was helping others heal too...then it came to my attention that I still had a long way to go. Its all good though. I should not be so hard on myself. I have had the opportunity to see some frightening things over the past few weeks (months, years), and I realize that I am doing a pretty good job with my life. When it is time for me to leave this planet, I can look back and be proud of all the things I have accomplished.

Onward and upward. More positive blog posts in the near future!

Me and My Big Mouth

Another one of my many flaws is that I have a very big mouth. In most social situations I am quiet and reserved, almost shy...but this is for a very good reason. When I start talking, I say ALL THE WRONG things. A few weekends ago I did it again, I said something I should not have said to one of my boyfriend's friends, and it started a wave of controversy. I had no idea I had done anything wrong until yesterday morning when Andy says to me, "we have to talk about something kind of serious." He told me what I had done, and I felt about 2 inches tall. I totally did not mean to cause trouble...I remember what I said and I said it because I was nervous and flustered. Once I explained it to him, he understood...because he is a sweet and understanding guy...but I still felt terrible the rest of the day. In fact, I am still feeling bad about it. It just goes to show that the subconscious is always lurking. I will probably never be free of the child who lives in my mouth and in the dark crevices of my psyche, but I have new insight that my conscious self is the more powerful of the two.

This experience also showed me what an amazing man Andy is. He is not afraid to talk to me about things that are uncomfortable, he does not use guilt or anger or passive aggresive behaviors to sidestep issues, he hits them straight on so we can get them out of the way. I really need to learn from this. I have a very hard time being direct. I am also going to learn to control my mouth and speak with a more conscientious voice.